How do I get to a place in my life where I feel loved and whole?

I am 30 years old, on disability (cancer survivor, it came back and now I am in treatment) living with my father, brother and raising my niece. A lot of times I feel like no one really loves me. Then I feel guilty because I feel like a self absorbed person shouting for attention. I am a Christian and I know in my head that Jesus loved me so much he died for me, but in my day to day living I feel very lonely and unloved and it is hard for me to connect emotionally to anyone, even God. My mother died a few months ago and she was my very best friend, and the rest of my family is rather limited in expressing emotions. I don't have any close friends, and I want to work on that, I just wish I could figure out what is wrong with me. I can't seem to feel fulfilled in any sense, and it isn't just my mom passing, I have felt like this my whole adult life. I do have a history of clinical depression but I am on medication that seems to help. Sometimes I don't even know what I really want, or who I am anymore. I have goals but I never seem to get close to them. I just want to feel like I belong somewhere and can be open and trusting and be able to give and take affection. Often when I start thinking like this, I feel selfish because it isn't just about me, I am supposed to be giving what I want as well, it is just all so confusing at times. I think it is more than just wanting a husband, although that is a big part of it. I want to stop being lonely and isolated. I thought about signing up for a Christian personals site but I have never been in a relationship and it feels kinda scary. Anyway I know I sound like a freak but if you can give me any guidance I would appreciate it.